The Place Where Ludington Talks
The Governor's New Mask
Once upon a time in a state not very far away at all, there lived a haughty governor who decreed that everybody must wear masks based on advice from her chief assistant who advised her: "It protects her majesty from catching any plagues from the unclean masses, permits more revenue from violations, and allows the governor's spies to snuff rebellions."
While she was advised to wear a mask when among the masses to show that nobody was above the lawful edict, it became known that she wasn't keen on wearing them, like many of her subjects, two of which hatched an idea to kill two birds with one stone. Through a lot of effort they arranged a meeting one day with the governor's chief assistant in his office. The aide looked sternly across his desk at the masked couple: "I've been told you have a breakthrough innovation that would interest the governor immensely."
"We do," said the spokesman. "Everybody recognizes the advantages to the health and safety of the general public by wearing masks, but frankly, it can be rather hard to breathe for some and make it hard for you to recognize other people under the face covering. My partner and I have devised a solution to these and other problems by using the latest in sheer micro-fiber technology. I'm proud to introduce the Silkweb."
His partner opened up a small box and showed it to the governor's assistant. It looked empty.
"Incredible isn't it", the spokesman continued. "So silky sheer you can barely make it out without close observation; an independent study, peer-reviewed mind you, has found that this mask offers superior protection over normal cloth masks of surgical quality. That same study has found that people with very low intelligence, moron level and less, cannot readily identify the mask outlines or even the telltale glimmer that you and I can easily make out."
The assistant couldn't help looking at what he thought was an empty box as the spokesman handed him a sizable collection of papers stapled together, when he looked down and glanced across it, the study's summary effectively projected the spokesman's patter while the analysis, tests, and formulaic equations suggested that there had been a lot of work done to show its efficacy.
After about fifteen seconds, the spokesman started up again. "Studies are all good, and this one is very, very favorable, but you're undoubtedly wanting a practical demonstration. Notice my partner has doffed her bulky cloth mask, I will put one of our Silkwebs on her to show that its one-size-fits-all dimensions are definitely more comfortable and allows her to breathe easier. The interwoven microfibers catches droplets on both the inside and outside and doesn't let either permeate through. If you look at it through a microscope the mask's interwoven fibers reminds you of a waffle and the droplets look like syrup after a days wearing. Easily washed clean with warm water, each should last for a month. Be ready to be amazed."
The governor's aide saw the spokesman reach into the box with both hands, delicately lift out something, and then saw the spokesman go through the motions of putting a mask on his partner, a mask that the aide still could not see. Rather than admit this, thereby admitting he had the intelligence of a moron or less, he remarked it was astonishing while the partner remarked on how comfortable and non-restrictive the new mask felt.
The governor's aide had not gotten to his position without being cautious, so he removed his own mask and demanded that the spokesman should put one of the masks on him immediately. The spokesman squirted some hand sanitizer on his hands and once again reached into the box, looked as if he was untangling some invisible straps, and moved behind the aide.
Almost simultaneously, the aide felt the straps tension on the back of his ears and along the side of his face. After the spokesman pulled out the folds of the mask in front of his face, he felt the tension of the mask there too. The aide could not believe how light the mask was or how easy it was for him to breathe with it on, and how easy it was to say: "This is incredible."
What the governor's chief assistant did not know was that the spokesman had some numbing chemicals in his hand sanitizer bottle that he put on his fingers that made it feel as if the mask was contacting wherever he touched the aide's face. The assistant knew this discovery was something the governor should know about immediately, so in less than an hour he was able to arrange an audience with the governor.
Another round of demonstrations took place, fairly similar to what was done before, but with the governor's aide helping along with the spiel while wearing his new 'mask'. The governor was more skeptical, because she could not see anything either, but the spokesman's numbing fingers putting the mask on her convinced her that she had breakthrough mask technology on her face. With the aide's enthusiasm, assurance of everything he saw in the study's summary, and his attestation that he saw the mask, she was moved to admit that it was perhaps the greatest invention ever.
The spokesman let the governor know that the small box of masks they had now were just prototypes, with patent pending, but they could manufacture millions of them in a week with a little financial investment for materials and manufacturing, with half payment in advance for the millions of masks the state would need. The governor had borrowed a fair sum of money to fix the damn roads of the state, but she decreed that this emergency purchase would ultimately be more important and make some of her belligerent subjects more likely to wear masks of such fineness.
Before they left with a sizable check, the spokesman's partner dabbed some hand sanitizer on her fingers before 'removing' the masks from the governor and her aide, claiming that it would be best not to broadcast that this type of mask exist until the governor announced that the state would have them available. The 'sanitizer' she used effectively neutralized the numbing effect that the spokesman's had as she lifted the 'masks' from the two official's faces.
The partners went back to their small manufacturing facility in the city and appeared to be very busy over the next week. They had used some of the money to purchase hundreds of thousands of empty boxes claiming to contain ten Silkweb masks each, but most of the rest was put in a Swiss bank account along with a much smaller amount they were to receive for the manufacturing facility they were selling-- foreseeing the pressing need to leave town quickly in the near future.
One week later, the governor had scheduled a press conference to announce a great step forward, as the boxes were delivered to the capitol building. The governor's assistant, looking over the inventory, handed them the remaining money owed them just as the governor walked in.
"I'm on in ten minutes, can somebody help me put one of these masks on, my hands are dirty", she said, knowing that she would be hard pressed to locate or put on one properly herself. The spokesman put the new masks on the governor and the assistant who was also to be part of the press conference, 'sanitizing' his hands in between. The partners wished the governor the best, telling her they were about to go on a much needed vacation after working twenty hour days over the last week.
The ten journalists covering the governor's press conference were initially surprised to see the governor and her aide without masks on. The governor glowingly told the tale of the new mask she was wearing and the great deal she received in order to get enough for all of her subjects. She dutifully told them that those with limited mental capacity may not be able to see the masks, so implored that they be individually helped getting their masks on.
The journalists heard everything and fully nine of them believed every thing they heard, each internally wondering why they were having a hard time seeing what they were supposed to see, but thinking that what they couldn't see was a wondrous marvel indeed. The one skeptical journalist remained quiet throughout, only showing a sign of life when the governor and her aide left, leaving behind a box of ten masks for dividing up between them. He remained quiet as he saw nine of his colleagues reach into the box and pull out a 'mask'.
After they removed their normal masks, he observed some ripping off unseen plastic of a non-visible mask, he saw others just transfer their new masks directly to their face and adjust them. When the masks were passed to him, he noted rather loudly that there were no masks left for him.
When his peers looked over at him with an odd look on their faces, his face went serious: "Jones, you hog, you're wearing two masks, give one over." Jones felt his face, peeled off the missing 'mask' and passed it over to the skeptical journalist, with a wink.
Ten headlines across the state immediately trumpeted the new discovery.
At some point thereafter, the governor and her assistant realized that they had been fooled but could not quite bring themselves to the point of admitting that fact, and they lived miserably ever after.
The citizens of the state figured out fairly quickly that the new masks could be made for free and they would last as long as their face did. They lived happily ever after, except for when they had to use those neglected roads.
The two partners with mega-millions in secret bank accounts and the adoration of almost everyone in the state, lived extra happily ever after in an undisclosed but very nice location.
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