Abnormal Songs for the New Normal

[XLFD]

While many of our local small businesses have closed down over the last two months due to the Coronavirus Crisis of 2020, one has effectively risen up after having been dormant for a year.  Radio station WMOM under new ownership has started broadcasting again since the beginning of April, and will soon be launching their new format.  While they are upgrading their system, they have been playing music from the decade of the 1980s in order to appease the FCC.

Eighties music was a good choice as filler in this time of quarantine, since the tunes were mostly upbeat, peppy, quirky, and optimistic.  Yet, this thirty year old music seems to have caught some of the flavor of the somber and pessimistic archetypes of our time-- when slightly adapted to meet CDC approval.  When one modifies a few lyrics they can modernize these timeless classics.  

We will do that with three songs from the eighties as examples, and ask our readers to submit a few lines of one or more of their favorite old tunes sanitized for the era of COVID-19, because honestly, do you have anything else more productive to do other than adjust your shorts?  Feel free to stray from the eighties in your own submissions, and only adjust enough of your song to show that it is ready for the spring of 2020.

The first example is a song that naturally fits in with this era, "Don't Stand so Close to Me", by The Police.  Very meaningful because if you stand too close to someone nowadays, you may have the police called on you.  The lyrics to be adapted are towards the end of the song:

It's no use, he's near her
He starts to shake and cough
Looks like the, Wuhan bug
Transmits, her mask is off

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me
Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me

The Georgia Satellites were a late arrival as a southern-style rock band and their sole hit song had a title with an anthem that rings true even to this day, with just a little help, one can bring the second verse forward into relevancy:

Ooh, baby, baby, baby, why you gonna treat me this way?
You know I've washed both my hands, Purell came into play
That's when she told me a story 'bout wet markets and bats
And said, "No huggee, no kissee until that case curve goes flat"
My honey, my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf
She said, "Fetch me the quinine and keep your hands to yourself"

Stevie Nicks left Fleetwood Mac to start her solo career and while she may have been directing this song at her former bandmembers or someone else, it translates perfectly to everybody else who is suspiciously avoiding social distancing:

Stand back, stand back
In the middle of the spring
I am not near to you
It's all right, it's all right
To be standing in a line
Standing in a line
To be standing in a line

For T.P.

So now that you've seen how it's done, try your own (sanitized) hand in converting any old song into something that is governor-approved for the 2020s.  

[Willy]

Funny stuff X.

I am terrible about rhyming so I thought I would post some songs from the internet.

[XLFD]

Great finds, and thanks very much on not sharing variations of the "My Corona" (for My Sharona) which I should have outlawed from the start due to all the mangling of that otherwise good song early on.  Frankly, Julie Andrews in the 'Do re mi' clip was teaching the children all of the advice that the CDC has been telling us over the last two months, but the kids were almost always within 6 feet of each other.