Happy April Fools Day.  Rather than try to trick you with some silly practical joke, we at the Ludington Torch offer up one of our parody tunes about local policy.  We figure that many of you are getting a little bit weary of all those practical jokes being played over the last few months by the Biden administration anyway.  

Over these last two months, the City of Ludington has created and grew the Ludington Outdoor Social District (LOSD).  The resolutions allow local bars and restaurants the ability to get licensed for and sell to-go drinks to customers outdoors, where they can then wander throughout downtown Ludington as long as they stay within the LOSD boundaries.  Special cups or stickers-on-cups will be used to show that the drink one is toting is one made for wandering. 

If you roam outside of the district, the local police have the ability to stop and harass you; it is unclear whether they can actually arrest you for drinking beyond the limits.  LPD Chief Tim Kozal has voiced at a June 26, 2020 DDA subcommittee that the main problem he sees with the LOSD is when somebody does test those boundaries, and they have to act on the cup infraction.

The early April Fool joke inherent here is that it has never been unlawful to wander outside these new arbitrary boundaries holding or guzzling a beer or wine glass as long as you're old enough to drink and not creating a disturbance.  So every citizen has to be a little bit worried about what may happen should an overzealous LPD officer take umbrage at somebody ignoring or not observing the borders of the LOSD.  The force is rather young and inexperienced and the wandering hordes will be tipsy at the least, perhaps leading to an unfortunate encounter for all concerned.  

We offer the following altered song lyrics sang to the tune of Cheap Trick's "Dream Police" to lighten the mood for all and celebrate our newly created district with its newly created issues.  We call it "Drink Police" as sung by Chief TimK; to enjoy it please start the Youtube video and sing along using the newly provided lyrics found underneath it.

The drink police, they keep good track of your cup
The drink police, make sure you drink it all up
The drink police, they're coming to arrest us, oh no


You know that booze ain't cheap
And those bars are ailing
And when our thirst is deep
To wait in line is failing, failing, failing.


'Cause they're waiting on us
They're serving to us
Specially marked cups, they're telling us 'get LOSD'
We wander and get sauced


The drink police, we walked outside of the lines
(walked outside of the lines)
The drink police, they charge us some costly fines
(charge us some costly fines)
The drink police, they're coming to arrest us, oh no


Well, we strolled around
'Til we heard the cop squawk
And when he points straight down
Can't read the words on sidewalk, sidewalk, sidewalk.


'Cause they waited for us
They looked out for us
Every single step we took out towards the border
Before they yelled out that order


We try to drink, they're stone sober, they won't let us alone
They don't get paid to hear excuses or let us alone
They spy on bars, They look at cups, they won't let us alone
They persecute us, they're the judge and jury all in one


'Cause they're waiting on us
They're serving to us
Specially marked cups, they're telling us 'get LOSD'
We wander and get sauced


The drink police, they keep good track of your cup
The drink police, make sure you drink it all up
The drink police, they're coming to arrest us
The drink police


The drink police
The drink police
The drink police
The drink police

Views: 274

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Hilarious X.

RSS

© 2024   Created by XLFD.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service