The Picture of Jonathan Shay

[XLFD]

In the Ludington Torch's continuing efforts to promote Cultural Economic Development for our community, we offer the following satire.  You may be familiar with British author Oscar Wilde's novel The Picture of Dorian Gray, which offered a supernatural portrait of a handsome youth which later reflected the inner ugliness of the title character as he lived a checkered life bereft of ethical considerations.

In presenting this to a local American audience, we have changed the names of some of the characters so as to fit our unique local scene.  Some of the re-characterizations in the rough draft were too close to the names of actual people so the final had these corrected.  Still for those who may believe otherwise:  all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this satire are fictitious. No identification with actual persons, places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.  If you infer Jonathan Shay resembles another city manager, that's your issue.

The summary of "The Picture of Jonathan Shay" was originally found at Sparknotes summary of TPODG and improvised for your satirical pleasure.

                                        The Picture of Jonathan Shay

In the stately Lud'ton City Hall the well-known artist Barry Nealward meets Jonathan Shay.  Jonathan is a cultured, wealthy, and handsome young man who immediately captures Barry’s artistic imagination. Jonathan sits for several portraits with the gorgeous city of Lud'ton in the background, and Barry depicts him as an ancient Greek hero.

The artist is completing his first portrait of Jonathan as he truly is against the backdrop of Lud'ton as it truly is.  But, as he admits to his friend Lord Henderson Wotton, the painting disappoints him because it reveals too much of his feeling for his subject. Lord Henderson, a famous halfwit who enjoys scandalizing his friends and city by celebrating youth, beauty, and the selfish pursuit of pleasure, disagrees, claiming that the portrait is Barry’s masterpiece. Jonathan arrives at the city hall, and Barry reluctantly introduces him to Lord Henderson, who he fears will have a damaging influence on the impressionable, young Jonathan and the city he has been appointed to manage.

Barry’s fears are well founded; before the end of their first conversation, Lord Henderson upsets Jonathan with a speech about the transient nature of beauty and youth of Shay and his city. Worried that these, his most impressive characteristics, are fading day by day, Jonathan curses his portrait, which he believes will one day remind him of the beauty he and his city will have lost. In a fit of distress, he pledges his soul if only the painting could bear the burden of age and infamy, allowing him to stay forever young and his city forever stately.  After Jonathan's outbursts, Lord Henderson reaffirms his desire to own the portrait; however, Barry insists the portrait belongs to Shay. 

Over the next few weeks, Lord Henderson’s influence over Jonathan grows stronger. The youth becomes a disciple of the “new Hedonism/Hendersonism” and proposes to live a life and manage his city fully dedicated to the pursuit of pleasure. He falls in love with Sibyl Venzke, a young actress/grant-writer who performs in a theater in Lud'ton’s slums. He adores her acting (especially in her pleas for grants); she, in turn, refers to him as “Prince Charming” and refuses to heed the warnings of her ex-husband, that Jonathan is no good for her and using her for getting more money for the debauches of him and his city.

Overcome by her emotions for Jonathan, Sibyl decides that she can no longer act or commit fraud, wondering how she can pretend to love on the stage or lie on grant applications now that she has experienced the real thing.  Jonathan, who loves Sibyl Venzke because of her ability to act and dissemble, cruelly breaks his engagement with her. After doing so, he returns to city hall to notice that his face in Barry’s portrait of him has changed: it now sneers.

Frightened that his wish for his likeness in the painting to bear the ill effects of his behavior has come true and that his sins will be recorded on the canvas, he resolves to make amends with Sibyl Venzke the next day. The following afternoon, however, Lord Henderson brings news that Sibyl has killed herself. At Lord Henderson’s urging, Jonathan decides to consider her death a sort of artistic triumph—she personified tragedy—and to put the matter behind him. Meanwhile, Shay hides his portrait in a remote basement section of city hall, where no one other than he can watch its transformation.

Lord Henderson gives Jonathan a book that describes the wicked exploits of a Manistee-based attorney; it becomes Jonathan’s bible as he sinks ever deeper into a life of sin and corruption. He lives a life devoted to garnering new experiences and sensations with no regard for conventional standards of morality or the consequences of his actions to the city he manages.

Fourteen years pass. Jonathan's reputation suffers in circles of polite Lud'ton society, where rumors spread regarding his scandalous exploits, his neglect of infrastructure, and his inability to follow the charter. His peers nevertheless continue to accept him because he remains young and beautiful, and says such great things of himself and his city. The figure and background in the painting, however, grows increasingly wizened and hideous.

On a dark, foggy night, Barry Nealward arrives at Jonathan’s city hall office to confront him about the rumors that plague the reputation of Lud'ton and Shay. The two argue, and Jonathan eventually offers Barry a look at his (Shay's) soul. He shows Barry the now-hideous portrait, and Nealward, horrified, begs him to repent and to competently manage Lud'ton.  Shay claims it is too late for penance or for saving the city, and kills Barry in a fit of megalomaniacal rage.

In order to dispose of the body, Jonathan employs the help of an estranged friend, a lawyer, whom he blackmails. The night after the murder, Jonathan makes his way to an opium den, where he encounters Sibyl Venzke's ex-husband, who attempts to avenge Sibyl’s death. Jonathan escapes to his wastewater treatment plant.

While entertaining guests, he notices Mr. Venzke peering in through a window, and he becomes wracked by fear and guilt. When the Lud'ton Police Department 'accidentally' shoots and kills Venzke, Shay feels safe again. He resolves to amend his life but cannot muster the courage to confess his crimes, and the painting now reveals his supposed desire to repent for what it is—hypocrisy.

In a fury, Jonathan picks up the knife he used to stab Barry Nealward and attempts to destroy the painting. There is a crash, and other public servants enter to find the portrait, unharmed, showing Jonathan Shay as a beautiful young man, and Lud'ton as he once met it. On the floor lies the body of their master—an old man, horribly wrinkled and disfigured, with a knife plunged into his corrupted heart by his own hand.

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[Willy]

That is hilarious. Well done X.

[XLFD]

One of shinblind's posts gave me the impetus to fracture this famous tale.  Thank you, Willy.

[AQUAMAN]

Hideous Shysters continue to corrupt and influence the main veins and minds of all too many. This is a SAD and warped situation that all too many Ludington Citizens have right now. When it CHANGES for the BETTER and becomes a sad historical episode is only known to the current voters and wonderful locals that have NOW been informed and enlightened to the TRUTH! Please, people, wake up, and see reality for our future for what it's worth, and needs repeal, NOW! Before it's too LATE!