Gretchen, It's Covid Lies

[XLFD]

Through the eleven years of the Ludington Torch (our 12th year begins officially Monday), we have always offered some light-hearted Christmas songs, poetry or prose with a distinctively local flavor, and a healthy dose of satire.  Last year it was Wallace the Brown-nosed Reindeer, which helped launch a successful candidacy this year enabling Wallace to get back on the city council. 

In the past, we ruined "Away in a Manger" by giving it a Ludington theme: John Shay as a Manager. we mangled the night before Christmas (Twas the Night Before Christmas in Ludington), twisted Charles Dickens classic (A Christmas COL), totally disrupted O Little Town of Bethlehem (O City Council Ludington), and realigned the twelve days of Christmas (The Twelve Days of Ludington Christmas). We turned "The Little Drummer Boy" upside down into The Ludville Plumber Boy to illustrate the lead problem of Ludington in 2016, updated that in 2017 to a spin-off of 'Good King Winceslas', introducing the new and disproved, Lead Queen Winczewski.

This year we leave the friendly confines of Ludington to visit the governor who basically controlled our lives and livelihoods for nearly all of the year, either through herself or her willing bureaucrats at the State's department of health.  Some think she has done a good job, others believe she went too far.  This year's holiday offering gives a voice to both sides of the argument with a seasonal duet made popular originally by Dean Martin and a rotating cast of female singers.

The song serving as a basis for this year, "Baby, it's Cold Outside", came under scrutiny in recent years with the ascension of the 'Me too' movement with supporters arguing that the song's possible implications of date rape did not align with current societal norms, and others arguing that the decision was an appeal to political correctness.  It should be noted that several of the 400 different recordings of the song has featured the woman taking the initiative to get the man to stay at her place, the lyrics allowing the switching of roles as seen in this Red Skelton & Betty Garrett version:

Our version that follows offers a running dialog between Governor Gretchen Whitmer and somebody who does not approve of her dictatorial governance since March.  We use a version featuring a chorus of women singing with Dean Martin trying to protect them from the cold, but we change the words around to update the song to 2020, trying to preserve the meter and rhyme scheme as much as possible. 

To unlock the entertainment, simply start the video below and follow along singing the lyrics provided, noting that the words in parentheses correspond to the women's lyrics in the song.  Please enjoy this holiday gift, and even if you want to return it (no refunds): have a very Merry Christmas!

(You really can't roam) But, Gretchen, it's Covid lies
(You've got to stay at home) But, Gretchen, it's Covid lies
(This shutdown has been) Been hoping that you won't spin
(So much needed) I rue the day you were seated

(The nurses will start to worry) Gruesome beast, what's your hurry
(Doc Fauci will be pacing the floor) Can't Listen to the fibs no more
(So really you'd better linger) How about just a finger
(Well, maybe just half a year more) You're sure an annoying old whore

(The neighbors described) Wonder what they imbibed
(Some orders defied) yeah, THEY have nothing to hide
(I wish I could lock) Seen smarter looking livestock
(You up right now) Congress makes laws, what to allow

(I been saying no, no, no, sir) Could you get any grosser
(I'm gonna say that I saved the state) Self-delusion mixed with some hate
(I really can't change) Sure we'll vote you out
[Both] Gretchen with Covid lies

(You must shut things down) Gretchen it's Covid lies
(All over your town) Gretchen it's Covid lies
(Pandemic has been) Fifteen days is over when
(My time to shine) You've kept your job, but I've lost mine

(My AG will investigate) Is nothing else on her plate
(Doc Khaldun will be there at the door) Who listens to her anymore
(Robert Gordon has orders) All you, out of my quarters
(We'll fine you a little bit more) You're still an annoying old whore

(My house has a dome) I think I will go outside
(You have to stay home) I'm sure I will go outside
(You must wear a mask) O, that's just too much to ask
(Or you'll be fined) I have free will, you've lost your mind

(The virus must be beat right now) Please, won't you tell us all how
(Listen to the doctors and science) I do, to ones that you silence
(You really can't roam) Yes, we'll vote you out.
[Both] It's growing old
[Both] Gretchen, it's Covid lies.

[Willy]

Hilarious X. Another creative set of lyrics. Speaking of political correctness. I have finely sworn off College football, the last of many sports I will no longer be watching because of the political brainwashing that goes on before the game and during the commercial breaks. I forgot which game it was but before the game started both teams stood in apposing lines on the field demonstrating unity in promoting diversity and other themes that black lives matters and the communist left have been shoving down our throats. I turned off the pro sports because of this crap and now college sports will not be on my TV screen as well. I don't watch sports to be lectured on political correctness and all the other BS and drivel  we receive from the media. All I can say to the NCAA and the left is take your ball and shove it, I ain't watching you no more.

[XLFD]

Thanks.  I normally watch a variety of sports over the course of a year on TV or in person, but since March, I haven't watched an inning of baseball, a period of hockey or basketball, or even a quarter of a football game.  The only sport I've actually watched on TV and locally is tennis.

Yet I don't consider having lost much-- yes, I'm disappointed in the racist BLM movement and how it has affected sports, yes, I consider the crazy Covid-19 implementations made to appease political autocrats excessive and ruinous to most of the sports and I refuse to reinforce this type of behavior by tuning in.  Yet, I will not swear off these sports for good, just because they may find their way back to sanity in the future.