The Ludville Plumber Boy

[XLFD]

A Christmas tradition around the Ludington Torch is to engage in a little political satire by associating our bleak political plight with themes from the yuletide holiday.  In the past, we mangled the night before Christmas (Twas the Night Before Christmas in Ludington), twisted Charles Dickens classic (A Christmas COL), totally disrupted O Little Town of Bethlehem (O City Council Ludington), and realigned the twelve days of Christmas (The Twelve Days of Ludington Christmas).  Last year we ruined "Away in a Manger" by giving it a Ludington theme:  John Shay as a Manager.

This year we fracture "The Little Drummer Boy" even worse than Justin Bieber could ever believe, introducing 'fake lyrics' bemoaning the recent revelations on the lead problem in Ludington and Mason County.  Seriously, we led the state of Michigan in children tested with high blood lead levels in 2013, before finishing second in 2014 and 2015 (by county, the City of Ludington being the main provider of water in Mason County).  These numbers eclipsed the averages for Flint, which has gained national recognition for the problem.

Likewise, our city manager lied about there being no lead in the tests they routinely do, tests designed by city leaders to avoid accountability by testing low-risk houses, many owned by city officials.  Two water coolers in the Ludington school system tested above the Maximum Contaminant Level this summer, after they finally checked it for the first time.  The Pere Marquette Bayou also had massive lead contamination, some places registering above 330 times the minimal reporting level for the tests.

Lead was historically known as 'plumbum' which you can see in its chemical symbol (Pb), and that is used often in the ditty below.  Having too much lead as a kid can inhibit proper growth of their cognitive functions, among other negative effects.  Play the video below and follow along with the new lyrics to find some humor amongst the sadness and anger you should be experiencing from having our city officials, likely your water utility provider if you live in the county, making light of the problem itself.

Won't Shay tell me, nah, plum-bum bum bum
A new lead test to see, nah plum-bum bum bum
Our precious kids they drink, a plum-bum bum bum
Lead-water from the sink, a plum-bum bum bum,

plum-bum bum bum, plum-bum bum bum.

Too much lead in blood, pah plum-bum bum bum,
Make them dumb.

Plum-bum plum-bum ya plum-bum dumb

Ludville Baby, ahh plum-bum bum bum
I am a poor boy too, ahh plum-bum bum bum
We have old grayish pipes, ahh plum-bum bum bum
Don't know what kind of types, ahh plum-bum bum bum,

plum-bum bum bum, plum-bum bum bum.

Shall they tell you more, pah plum-bum bum bum,
They'll stay mum.

Plum-bum plum-bum ya plum-bum dumb

  

Shay denied lead, aah plum-bum bum bum
Most blood lead in the state, aah plum-bum bum bum
Counc'lors played dumb for Him, aah plum-bum bum bum
Ignored the tests for Him, aah plum-bum bum bum,

Plum-bum bum bum, plum-bum bum bum.
 

Plum-bum plum-bum ya plum-bum dumb

Then Shay smiled at us, ahh plum-bum bum bum
Keeping all dumb.

[John Doe Jr]

LOL. Excellent. Our schools have blamed kids for years about being dumb. Some blamed teachers and some blamed common core.Now, look how evil they all appear to be now knowing the kids were dumb due to lead in their water. The Ludington City Council and Manager should all apologize for dumbing up the kids! They ARE responsible!! Any and all cases where a child acted out and was punished should be overturned and investigated. Free the dumb!!

[XLFD]

A FOIA request to Mason County Central Schools has indicated that they have never taken the time to test their school's drinking water for lead.  That's kind of sad being that the only building in the district that has been built since 1986 has been the Upper Elementary (grades 3-5).  I remember drinking heartily from all those Halsey-Palmer and Ebco water coolers throughout my school career-- which may explain some of my mental incongruities.

But it doesn't make it right that up until this year, school kids were drinking from fountains at their Ludington school and getting up to twice the MCL of lead in that first gulp, simply because they never took old water coolers out of service that they should have over 20 years ago .

[Willy]

Hilarious X. Your definitely a poet as well as an accomplished investigative reporter.